


Is this Love at First Sight?

by Newtosaur12



Category: John-Mulaney and Duolingo
Genre: Angst, Cute, Fluff, Love, Meme, Other, Romance, awkward-first-dates, duolingo-owl, fandoms - Freeform, fluff-angst, hotstuff, love-at-first-sight, manxowl, meme-ship, owl - Freeform, requited-love, tangible-tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2020-12-24 19:27:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21104753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Newtosaur12/pseuds/Newtosaur12
Summary: It's cold and drizzling, and the world is far too loud for John Mulaney as he stands alone in the alley outside a theatre - or so he thinks. He isn't as alone as it seems and after startling first impressions, could this surprising and mysterious figure in the form of the Duolingo owl prove to be what John has been missing from his lonely life?~this meme fic is also on my Wattpad account (@PowerOfTriangless) if you wanna read it on there.The first chapter was originally written in a hazy state in the middle of the night and I do not regret it in the slighest.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CrayonHyacinth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrayonHyacinth/gifts).

Chapter 1  
Lights flashed, flickering like overwhelming pinpricks in John Mulaney’s vision. Over that, the muffled cacophony of excitable chatter of a crowd. Not a crowd that should have been overly stimulating, but it was nonetheless. Every sense felt overloaded, each tearing and scratching at his very soul as if fighting for dominance. But all John wanted was silence and darkness.  
John Mulaney had just finished another show. No one told him it was going to be hard to be a comedian. But it brought smiles to the audience’s shadowed faces in the crowd. He felt he was doing his part to make the world a little better even if that simply meant making some stranger’s day a little more amusing. After several years though, it was starting to lose its appeal. His audience found him funny, and so did he, but now the jokes didn’t feel as light-hearted anymore. They felt kind of strange coming out his lips, as if the words he uttered knew he didn’t truly mean them anymore. That they were masking some generic tragic backstory that fans would create twisted rumours about if they knew one existed. But no, John Mulaney wasn’t a sexy, emo anime protagonist with a story to tell. He was simply a guy that figured he would put to use his one good personality trait and get people to pay to experience it. He felt like he had become a meme to the younger generation and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. It was a form of humour, he supposed, and that was what he wanted to input into the world. 

~~  
Ever since he had moved out of his parents’ house, John had lived alone in a small apartment on the east side of New York. Manhattan had always been his favourite borough and it made him feel a little less alone when he was there. His third-floor apartment felt cold and empty, despite this. It lacked the warmth only company could bring. The apartment felt like him: cold and desolate and dead inside. Even his houseplants were all wilting and growing lifeless faster than his hair. John felt lonely. He hadn’t had a partner in ages, male or female. He missed human contact and he had grown accustomed to hugging his pillow every night. He had seriously considered many times whether he should buy a body pillow or not. It was embarrassing the number of nights he had fantasized about doing it. How easy it could be to buy one off eBay, draw a face on it and perhaps wrap it in a scarf to feel more realistic. Hey, even though he was semi-famous now, he never had people over so perhaps it could become a reality. What a sad reality it would be though.  
~~

John pondered his life while he sat on the edge of his seat in his dressing room. Being famous wasn’t as romantic or whimsically easy as the media made it out to be. He was human, like anyone else and it was honestly exhausting. He felt like the human embodiment of cheese: appealing to some, but not everyone. And to him, all that mattered were the people who didn’t like cheese (because it is an abomination that humanity should never have created). But he couldn’t ever find those fellow cheese-haters, so John was left cheeseless and lonely, even as his thirty-sixth birthday passed. On that day, he was ashamed to admit he spent the night on his bathroom floor, crying as he ate his way through two cold (cheeseless) pizzas in his underwear (and socks because it was fucking freezing). Judging by this pitiful behaviour, John knew he was destined to be forever alone.

John exhaled a defeated puff of steam. It was still too loud and bright, and he didn’t know what to do, so he figured he would get some fresh air. After all, he was a man who was quite fond of the rain, despite it making him even more cold and lonely. He bypassed security and checked to make sure none of the audience were lurking in the alley behind the theatre. The constant screeching and skidding of tyres soundtrack had dulled to a murmur, as fitting background music for the scene. And then, John thought to himself, out the door comes our dashing protagonist with his sweaty palms and crumpled suit.  
John sighed fondly, blinking up at the murky sky. He felt a smile on his chapped lips and he released a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. He felt his worries wash away in the rain, and his overwhelmed senses suddenly stripped to their bare foundations. This is what it should be like, he thought.  
He glanced around in the hazy alley lit by warm, yellow lights. Only darkness and traffic extended beyond that point, suffocating and unwelcoming. John glanced back into the darkness. His eyes shifted, his palms were suddenly aquiver, alarming him that something wasn’t right. It seemed he wasn’t alone in this alley. He felt like he was being watched. For a moment he spotted the glint of two great big eyes that certainly weren’t human. Then he blinked, and they were gone. His senses felt even more heightened than before and every inch of him screamed that he was in danger, that he needed to run. But John stood planted on the spot, unable to move. His whole body trembled with fear as he detected a sound that could have almost been a churr. Definitely not human, he thought. But what the actual hell makes a noise like that?  
But before he could rack his brain for an answer, it was presented to him in the form of a freakish beast rushing towards him. In came into the light - a blurry, light-green mass filling his vision.  
It stood before him in the warm light and looked at him quizzically. It was the Duolingo owl. It was larger and more realistic than John originally believed, and this terrified him. The owl was five foot and was covered in shaggy, fluorescent lime-green feathers. Its orange beak and wide anime-eyes gave him the impression that it was both innocent and not to be underestimated. Its eyes were unforgiving and penetrating, and he felt as if they could see into one’s very soul and know instantly what they desire. But instead of making those desires come true, the Duolingo owl would manage to twist those fantasies into a tantalising life goal of language lesson streaks.  
Despite this first reaction, John was strangely drawn towards the owl. He couldn’t explain it, but he felt something inside of him that he hadn’t known for a long time. Was it love? Was it hopefulness? Was it hunger? How pathetically sad all of those options appeared. But John was strangely intent on finding out what the attraction meant.  
The Duolingo owl blinked slowly at him, its head slightly tilted. It churred softly, as if curious. It reached out a wing and, hesitantly, John took it. Definitely real feathers, he mused. He could have sworn he felt an odd feeling when they touched, almost electrifying. But before John could blink, the feeling had disappeared. The owl’s wide eyes stared intently at John, as if daring him to utter the first words.  
John forced out some syllables. “Uh, uh, hey, I didn’t know you were real.” Way to go, John thought, now it probably thinks I’m a nervous non-believer. “I- I mean, of course you’re real but you’re bigger than I imagined?” At this, the Duolingo owl simply clicked its beak. It spoke softly in a raspy, yet also strangely smooth voice: “Well I don’t earn a badass reputation and satisfy my hunger by not eating those naughty slackers who don’t do their daily lessons.” It raised an eyebrow, as if daring John to question whether it was being serious or not. Despite this twisted turn of events, John was even more attracted to the owl. Was John’s lack of intimate attention affecting his ability to think clearly around the first love interest that comes into his life? Because John had decided that what he was feeling was presumably love, and he liked it. Without thinking, he rushed forward and hugged the owl, with his head resting on top of the owl’s head. It seemed a little awkward and taken aback, but it didn’t refuse the hug. After a moment or two, it hugged John back with its large, soft feathers, enveloping him in a sense of warmth he had been lacking for a long time. The owl clicked its beak before whispering, “I don’t know exactly what this is, but I think I would like you in my life.”


	2. Chapter 2

After John alerted his security team to his imminent departure from the theatre, the Duolingo owl had been escorted to John’s apartment a few streets away. Although Duo had obliged to his shy but hopeful request to stay for a late dinner, John still didn’t entirely know either of their full intentions. Would this dinner lead to something he wasn’t prepared for? If so, John did not want to question what would happen if one did it with an owl. He should probably casually mention to Duo that he was ace before things could get out of hand on Duo’s behalf. John sighed. They weren’t even dating, or had even mentioned anything explicitly romantic, so why the heck were his thoughts being derailed so wildly? He shook his head, frustrated with himself. For now he would just try to get to know Duo as a person- or rather, as an owl. There wasn’t any harm in that, was there? John had to try, regardless. 

They had squeezed under a single umbrella, struggling for dryness amongst the otherwise drenched landscape. Their war, hopeful bodies pressed up against each other, as the awkwardness between them was almost tangible, and it hung thick like vines snaking down from the umbrella. It wasn’t long before they arrived at John’s residence. He sprinted up the stairs to his apartment and opened the door, praying it wasn’t as messy as he remembered it being. The door opened with a slight squeak, and a rush of stale, unclean air confronted his nose. He hoped owls had a lesser sense of smell than humans. He desperately hoped to make a fabulous first impression on Duo. And a second impression, and a third. Because for the first time in his loud yet lonely life, John actually had something to look forward to in terms of other people; for the first time, he was hopeful. 

John held the door open and waited patiently for Duo to come flutter-thumping up the numerous flights of stairs. He hoped the smell would waft itself out into the drizzly night, along with the awkwardness and slight tension trailing them like an obsessed fan.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkward dinner-cake dates

John’s hopeful little heart was the deep thrum of a booming bass inside him. His thoughts were consumed by the noise of it as he waited patiently for Duo to arrive inside his apartment. John had never done anything of this sort before. He led a sad, lonely life, ironic but not uncommon for a comedian. He wished his life was not so ironically pathetic, yet cliched for his occupation.  
~  
At last Duo came fluttering up the stairs and swept past John into the man’s cluttered apartment. Tension and excitement clung to the walls as the two of them stood facing each other. Oh, to be in love an awkward first dates, John thought. He had forgotten how this felt – he had been lonely and single since those dreaded and angsty high school days.  
But as he furtively glanced up and peered at Duo’s feathered face, that familiar spark that had been buried under his other tangled emotions slowly arose. God, it had been a long, long time since anybody had made John feel this way. As he pondered this strange but beautiful creature in front of him, he realised that Duo was indeed checking John out also. He hoped he was making a good impression.

To relieve the awkward nervousness they shared, John coughed, making Duo gaze up at him questioningly. He glanced around at his apartment and motioned for the owl to sit on the navy-blue sofa in the living area. Duo peered curiously at every inch of the apartment – everything that presented some aspect of John’s eclectic personality. When they were seated, John asked tentatively, “So, Duo, would you like some dinner?”  
Duo clicked their beak and rasped, “Yes, of course John! Only if it’s no trouble for you, anyway. I have been hungry for so long, you know. I have been starving on this vegetarian diet for the past week and I could not begin to tell you how rough not eating tender human flesh has been.”  
Duo grinned as they noticed John looking alarmed at this revelation, and so reassured him, “don’t worry, I only eat those who deserve it and don’t keep up their language streaks. Inconsistent little shits that don’t keep their contracts must pay dearly. You have to understand this, John.”  
John didn’t think that was reassuring but kept his mouth shut. 

~  
John busied himself with heating up leftover lasagne in the dimly lit and cramped kitchen as Duo intently watched basketball on John’s tiny television. As John waited for the dinner cake (as he fondly referred to it as), he not so subtly inspected Duo perching contently on the couch. Oh how fine that bird looked! John thought fondly. How innocent and beautiful they looked in the dimness, unaware of the lovesick eyes fixed upon them. Oh how soft and wonderfully green those feathers were! How they were already moulting onto the couch. God, just look at those terribly fierce claws that John knew had ripped at human flesh many times. And how scaly yet beautiful those feet were! How they curled and uncurled unconsciously, gripping the couch cushions in a deadly grip.  
John arose abruptly out of his infatuated observations as the microwave beeped. He unceremoniously dumped the two steaming heaps of dinner cake onto plates and carried both of them to the couch, where he deposited one in Duolingo’s grateful grip. It seemed Duo was quite experienced at using their feet instead of hands. What has John expected? Feathers were seriously unpractical for anything other than flying, world domination and hugs.  
They ate in silence as they watched the basketball game. It seemed neither of them cared much for the sport, but it was a welcome distraction. When John had finished his meal, he peered over at Duo, who had sauce smeared all over their beak. John smiled to himself as he used a tissue from the box on his coffee table to neatly wipe away the mess. Duo appeared startled at this sudden act of kindness. They clicked their beak and smiled back at John. At least to him, it seemed much of the awkward tension had vanished in that moment.  
John spoke hesitantly: “So Duo, I apologize for this lack of formality on my part – I haven’t had intimate company in quite a long time, so I have not yet grown accustomed to what is expected of me. I’m sorry, Duo. Ever since I saw you, I have been curious as to what this attraction is towards you, and why it’s happening. You seem like such a deadly yet beautiful soul, and I would genuinely love to get to know you more and discover what this attraction is. I have not felt something so intimate and unexplainably tantalising towards somebody as I have with you.”  
John stared intently at the carpet as he waited for Duo’s reply to this sudden confession. After what appeared to be an eternity, the fluorescent owl churred softly.  
“You know, John, I believe I feel a similar way. But don’t you dare suggest this is fate ‘cause that is a load of crap.”  
John’s heart rose at this. “So… did you wanna meet up again sometime this week, Duo?”  
Duo clicked their beak and nodded. The pair exchanged phone numbers and then Duo opened John’s living room window and was off into the night. John stared after them, a tiny spark of something flickering contently in his heart. The moon was high and so was Duo as they fluttered their way home, wherever that was.


End file.
